The Fear of Not Being Enough

I have now asked 1,000 people across the world what their biggest fear is. When I set out on this journey in the spring of 2022, I suspected that death would be high on the list. But I also thought that war, climate crisis and the rise of totalitarianism would be top contenders. I was wrong about the latter. Only about 4.5% of respondents mentioned bigger global themes. Death, in some shape or form, was indeed top of the list; about 20% said that what they feared most was losing a loved one, dying themselves, or dying from somebody.  But the second biggest fear? Surprisingly and somewhat depressing, this was the fear of not being enough. To disappoint others, to not meet expectations, to not make full use of their life. To be a failure. This fear was particularly prevalent among the young. I would meet 13-year-olds who said their biggest fear was disappointing their parents. 23-year-old college graduates who after many sacrifices wondered whether they would ever measure up. What if I amount to nothing?

It is as if we are suffering from a silent, pernicious epidemic of perceived insufficiency. As one 51-year old put it: “I am afraid to not belong, not be loved if I don’t perform.” That can’t be good.